Parallel Passages

George W. Bush is a notably dim bulb, much in the same way Jessica Simpson is also kind of stupid, and both have the same goofy expression and beady-eyed stare that make Jessica Simpson look like a vacant, no-talent singer and actress, and that make George W. Bush look like a guy who should never be photographed or televised standing behind a podium, because he’s so much like a piece of wood it would be hard to tell him from the podium except for the fact that he’s not wood-colored, which wouldn’t be so bad if he’d lived 100 years ago when the podium wouldn’t have caused so much trouble because it wouldn’t exist, since the trees that went into making it would not have been harvested yet, and some think I might agree that he only wears that blue suit because his wife told him to, and you know it’s bad if a guy in that high an office has to depend on his wife to know how to dress and not look funny in public, and we all know which one of the two of them thought Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction, just like Pakistan and India, who would hate each others’ guts if countries had guts, and which one wore very short pants in a movie that was about why cousins shouldn’t get married to each other, and Jessica Simpson keeps whoever her boyfriend is a secret which makes her personal life more private and erotic to say the least, while George W. Bush’s wife is known to everybody and it’s in all the newspapers if they even think about doing it and that can’t be any fun, and at least Jessica Simpson has flattering pictures in fanmags and people in Europe and Mexico watch her movies to ogle her body, while Bush is hated by most citizens of his country and all citizens of other countries, but the stress of both their lives might cause their deaths before their old age really even begins, which would pretty much end both the Iraq War and any chance for a Dukes of Hazzard sequel with Jessica Simpson in the part of Daisy Duke’s grandmother.