Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Fecalia


Paris Hilton stars in a newly-released feature film, "The Hottie and the Nottie." Now people will no longer be able to say, "Why's she famous? She never did nothing."

People will, however, be asking once more which was the worst movie ever made. Ed Woods's "Plan 9 From Outer Space" is always kind of the default winner in the Fecalia category, partly because it's not just horrible, but old and well established, being as how it's very well known. But it faces serious competition from "Showgirls," "Heaven's Gate," The Kevin Kostner extravaganzas "Waterworld" and "The Postman," and most recently, the Jennifer Lopez -- Ben Affleck disaster, "Gigli." It also is up against unserious competition from low-budget, tongue-in-cheek efforts like "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."

Paris's little fleck of drek is apparently a formidable contender, and opened to some of the worst box-office receipts in the history of the movies.

However, for my money, the worst movie ever released was a dreadful 1969 morality play by Andy Griffith, "Angel in My Pocket," which is poorly scripted, poorly directed, poorly lit, badly acted, and overly sentimental, precious, and cute. Its plot and forced confrontations are ridiculous to the point of being embarrassing.

Because it's such a wreck, this movie is not well known, and has never been released to home video in any format, so I can't prove how bad it is. You'll have to take my word for it.

I sometimes wonder how many other really monumentally bad old films are out there somewhere, mercifully languishing in utter obscruity.

3 comments:

Joe said...

There is a lot of good talent and ideas out there going to waste.

I wonder if an artificially intelligent data base system could be developed to find every worthwhile thing placed on all Web pages out there.

Grace Nearing said...

Here's my nomination for a really dreadful movie: Homework. This 1982 teens-determined-to-lose-it movie starred Joan Collins(!) and the rather unsteady hands of an obviously drunk boom mic operator.

Dave B, a.k.a. catboxer said...

Grace, nice to see you here.

Joe, that data base would include more than you or I could read, probably. There's tons of good stuff all over the net, and I'll bet I've found only a tiny fraction of it.