Sunday, August 10, 2008

Sun's Gonna Shine in My Back Door



Sun's gonna shine in my back door someday;
You hear me talkin' pretty mama?
Wind's gonna change and blow my blues away.

--Tommy Johnson
"Big Road Blues"

Finally, a warm, cloudless, sunny day in San Francisco. Mark Twain famously said that the coldest winter he ever experienced was a summer in San Francisco, and I know exactly what he meant. I arrived here Tuesday, a cold, glurky day whose weather persisted the entire rest of the week. But today is different.

I'm here house sitting for my daughter again, while she travels the world pursuing her art, much to the delight of her legions of adoring fans. She persisted in following her dream, endured some scrapes, bumps, and hard times, and now...well, it's sufficient to say I'm extremely proud of her.

The picture of us is a couple of years old, but that's ok. That was the same kind of summer day as this is, and we don't look any different now than we did then. Possibly, a degree of the sadness and loneliness that has been my portion since we took that photo has crept into my features, but that could be dispelled quite easily.

I'm not used to this. I was very happy for the longest time. I was happy even when I thought I wasn't, but most of the time I was very aware of that feeling of satisfaction.

How long do I have to wait before that happiness comes back to me? How far away do I have to move, and how many times?

Or will it ever return? Is what I've got what I'll get? From now on?

The truth is, all my happiness was dependent on another.

What does it take to learn emotional self-sufficiency?

But enough of this. It's time to go for a walk in the sun.

4 comments:

Joe said...

Good to hear about the sunshine. It really helps.

I try to begin my day up and out by riding my e-bike project to one useful destination or another. Sunshine, fresh air, and exercise.

Dave B, a.k.a. catboxer said...

Joe, thanks so much for hanging in at this place, which has gone from being basically a political blog to a means of personal expression.

At this point in my life I'm overwhelmed by personal change. I find I can no longer deal with the world we see on TV and in the news -- it's too upsetting and depressing.

Thanks for your concern, and for being a friend.

Sincerely,
DB

Grace Nearing said...

I find I can no longer deal with the world we see on TV and in the news -- it's too upsetting and depressing.

When I reach that point, I reprogram "the box." I'll watch marathons of silent movies. I'll watch marathons of foreign movies. I'll watch marathons of the most exquisite animated shorts. And then there's always Jacques Tati.

Joe said...

Dave you are a worthy friend to me, a special person, one of the few who I consider at that level.

Though I am weak in terms of outgoingness, I will try to compensate by doing the little that I can over the long run.

For me, this tumultuous beginning of the century gave me a hopeless feeling about politics. The progressiveness of international democracy was traded for the barbarity of militarism.

I feel that you are very welcome to hold onto at least a little part of my life. If I were able, I would give more. I would actually like that.

yours truly

Joe