Sunday, August 10, 2008
Sun's Gonna Shine in My Back Door
Sun's gonna shine in my back door someday;
You hear me talkin' pretty mama?
Wind's gonna change and blow my blues away.
"Big Road Blues"
Finally, a warm, cloudless, sunny day in San Francisco. Mark Twain famously said that the coldest winter he ever experienced was a summer in San Francisco, and I know exactly what he meant. I arrived here Tuesday, a cold, glurky day whose weather persisted the entire rest of the week. But today is different.
I'm here house sitting for my daughter again, while she travels the world pursuing her art, much to the delight of her legions of adoring fans. She persisted in following her dream, endured some scrapes, bumps, and hard times, and now...well, it's sufficient to say I'm extremely proud of her.
The picture of us is a couple of years old, but that's ok. That was the same kind of summer day as this is, and we don't look any different now than we did then. Possibly, a degree of the sadness and loneliness that has been my portion since we took that photo has crept into my features, but that could be dispelled quite easily.
I'm not used to this. I was very happy for the longest time. I was happy even when I thought I wasn't, but most of the time I was very aware of that feeling of satisfaction.
How long do I have to wait before that happiness comes back to me? How far away do I have to move, and how many times?
Or will it ever return? Is what I've got what I'll get? From now on?
The truth is, all my happiness was dependent on another.
What does it take to learn emotional self-sufficiency?
But enough of this. It's time to go for a walk in the sun.