I, Joe Sikspak

Item: VP candidate Sarah Palin says "It's time that normal Joe Six-pack American is finally represented in the position of vice presidency."

I, Joe "Catboxer" Sikspak, take pen in hand to write to you effete snobs reading those commie blogs on the internet to let you know I'm voting for Nixon this year. I'm doing so on the advice of my friend Vern at work. He's a real nut, that Vern, but he's also an expert on politics. I won't even tell you some of the things he says about Hussein El Obama, or whatever his name is.

That Nixon is a real man. And that's more than I can say for whatshisface.

And hey, don't go putting your greasy fingers on my truck. Don't even think about it. I keep a loaded Smith and Wesson in the glove compartment, so don't try anything liberal. Yeah, I know it's a big truck. It's my money and I'll waste as much gas as I want.

And even though I'm a cat, I drive this big truck, and I have a dog that goes everywhere with me -- a pit bulldog named Captain Crunch.

Put that in your bongs and smoke it. And if you know what's good for you, those Birk-in-stocks on your feet better be made for walkin'.

Now excuse me, while I pop this top.