A Gentler World

I've got a correspondence going with a woman I've never met, someone who lives in a rural outback somewhere south of here. Her name, location, circumstances, and so forth, aren't germane, as none of that is pertinent except maybe in an anecdotal way to today's topic.

However, in the process of learning this woman's story, a wife's history which I would judge neither typical nor atypical, I began to get a larger view of the overwhelming male dominance of our society and all its institutions, including marriage, from a different perspective than the one I'm used to.

In western society, and in most others too for that matter down through history, the large majority of crimes, in and out of marriage, have been committed by men and boys. Men are much more susceptible to destructive behavior than women, and commit offenses most often involving physical aggression, property crimes, or sex crimes. The masculine tendency toward misbehavior is frequently attributed to testosterone, but I have to wonder in my heart of hearts how much of it is due to hormones and how much results from conditioning.

And another thing: is it possible that the behavior I'm talking about is exacerbated by the standards and expectations of "traditional" social settings dominated by religious institutions and arrangements? Were "the good old days" maybe not so good after all?

I don't know; I'm asking. But this is what I suspect. Men are "supposed" to have all the power, and the corruption that inevitably comes with it, because God set Adam up to rule over Eve way back there in Eden, and who's going to argue with God?

"With our thoughts, we make the world," said the Buddha, and he might have added that we often use those same thoughts to build the prisons we inhabit. What else are those prisons, those walls of rules and convictions concerning how "real men" and "good women" are supposed to behave made of, except our thoughts. There is the meaning of the word, "conditioning."

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I'm the oldest person in my yoga teacher training class, and one of only four men (that's me on the far right-hand side of the front row; click on the image for a larger view). The first night of class we all had to introduce ourselves, of course, and I've completely forgotten what I said. But I'll never forget the words of one of those young guys in the class (and they're all young compared to me):

"I'm kind of on a mission to see more men involved in yoga," said Eric, who's gay and lives with his boyfriend on Capitol Hill. "I'd like to see the world become a gentler place," he added, "and getting more men involved in yoga would be one small way to help achieve it."

I wondered then what Eric, a mild and harmless person who speaks softly and leaves no turmoil in his wake, had gone through to become who he is. What had his life been like when he was 16? How many times was he called a fag and a sissy? How many times did he get beat up?

And I quickly felt a rush of respect and admiration for this man. How much courage does it take for us to be who we really are?
How much abuse does it take? How many beatings?