Sarah Palin's Speech This Morning

Making a surprise and unannounced appearance on the plaza in front of Anchorage's Federal Building, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin spoke to a small gathering of supporters and local reporters this morning. In a brief speech whose purpose remains unclear, Palin said:

"Good morning, Alaskans! I'd like to welcome you all here this morning, the beginning of a new day for me and a new day for you to glimpse new horizons for Alaska. I've had to make some hard decisions recently, but I always keep my eye on the ball, and have faith that we're all going forward into the future, and working to make it better than the past.

"Ya know, some time before I'm over the hill and getting long in the tooth, there's something I'd like us all to see eye to eye on. I think you'd agree that would be the ticket. If there's one thing that gets me madder than a wet hen, it's people whose bark is bigger than their bite. And that's especially true if they have a really big bite.

"Now we all know that Rome wasn't built in a day, and you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube, even if you've been drinking the Kool Aid. You can bend over backwards and build a better mousetrap, but when the buck stops here you have to get out and beat the streets. If it's a tough day, you might even have to catch a falling knife.

"So what we need is a cash cow. But if we want to sweeten the pot, we're gonna have to swim with the sharks and run with the big dogs. Just watch out for the Trojan Horse. And remember, they won't be able to put one over on you if you always just think outside the box. So always get your foot in the door, and pick the low-hanging fruit.

"Now take Ronald Reagan, I have always wanted to follow in his footsteps, and ya know, the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree. And even though there have been times lately where I felt like a frog in a frying pan, one foot on a banana peel and the other in Lake Wasilla, it ain't over till the fat lady sings. So those in the media better say their prayers that I'm not going to make a last-ditch effort which will stick a fork in them, because all's well that ends well, and she who laughs last laughs best.

"Negative nay-sayers in the media would tell you there's not a glimmer of hope, but people who have eyes in their heads can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and if you wish upon a star you might just end up shooting for the moon. So let's stop grasping at straws and pin our hopes on a brighter day ahead and a more prosperous future for our children, because it's all about the children.

"Remember, what goes around comes around, and what's good for the goose is good for the gander. So in conclusion, thanks for coming out today, because there's no time like the present to read my lips."