judy, rev 1

Wants upon a tom (as one of John Lennon's books begins) the mighty King Egro-Eg Bushikanezzar, absolute monarch of the great empire called Acronym, decided he should rule the entire world.

"I will send out the most awesomest army the world has ever seen," King Egro-Eg Bushikanezzar said, "and anybody who refuses to bend the knee I will whack with such vigor that they will have no whackable parts left. Then they will know who is the HMFIC."

And he appointed his best general, the renowned Intestines McPowell to lead this horde, which was indeed mighty with men and equipped with innumerable fancy whiz-bangs. Out they marched, half a million strong, tramping along on their million feet, and laid siege to the first city they came to, West Little Euphrates, Kansastan.

And the leading men in that town all swallowed their gum, and wailed "We surrender, we surrender!" But among them was a respectable widow named Judy, who was also a hot mama. But you'd never know it, because she'd been drooping around in her widow's weeds for five years. Judy told the city fathers they were a bunch of wimps, and left.

This Judy also had more backbone than your average West Little Euphratian. So she went home and took a bath, and had her maid rub her down with oil and a seductive scent. Then she piled her hair up real high, and put on all her best jewelry and bracelets, poured herself into her homewrecker dress, and set out for the Acronymian camp. When she got there, she told them she had a date with General Intestines McPowell.

To cut a long story somewhat short, General Intestines drank more wine that night than he had ever drunk before in his life, and became silly putty in the hands of the wily Amazon, who in short order went to bed with him, waited for him to pass out, and then decapitated him with a standard issue trenching tool.

Leaving at sunrise, with her maid carrying the general's head in a burlap sack, Judy aroused no suspicion. But the Acronymian army soon discovered their leader's desecrated torso, and their consternation and confusion was so great that they were easily defeated by the suddenly-motivated West Little Euphrates Volunteer Fire Department, who scattered the Acronymians and sent them trudging back to their capitol city, Las Vegasdad.

That ill-fated mission was King Egro-Eg Bushikanezzar's last imperialistic thrust, and he was soon overthrown and replaced by a usurper from Kenya, a Muslim named Hussein Al-Ibn Alabama.