Wednesday, December 07, 2011

helpful hints from dave

Some tips for life in 21-st century US of A.

Don't fly. Besides being the most environmentally destructive mode of travel, patronizing airlines makes you vulnerable to all kinds of searches, seizures, tweaks, twiddles, and other forms of intolerable invasions of privacy, personhood, and dignity. Do you really have to get anywhere that fast?

Drive instead. Don't drink and drive. Don't smoke marijuana, play with your droid, or have sex while driving. Observe the speed limit and be a good driver. Make sure all your lights, especially taillights and license plate lights, are working. Don't give them any reason to stop you and they probably won't.

Don't live in Bakersfield. Eat organic vegetables. Eschew red meat.

Sleep with a light so you don't fall and kill yourself getting up during the night.

Avoid police and giant carnivorous hermaphroditic albino land snails.

No comments: