electoral college

Current assessments of the fall election show Romney winning more states and possibly the popular vote as well, but Obama taking the race, 281 electoral votes to 191. Is this a great country, or what?

I know us humble mortals are not supposed to question the validity of this thing called the Electoral College.

It may be an 18th-century device clanking along awkwardly in a 21st-century world, but all true-blue Americans understand that it's a gift given to us by our Founding Fathers, all of whom were superhuman beings who sat on the right hand of God.

Our understanding of these things is far superior to that of heathen foreigners, who don't comprehend the American civic religion. For them, the Founding Fathers might seem to be a bunch of mouldy aristocrats, much in love with showing off their useless educations by baffling us peasants with their fancy Latin phrases, and subject to the usual human weaknesses such as hypocrisy.

One of them, for example, was a slave owner who was also one of the world's leading theoreticians of human liberty.

But forget all that. If the Electoral College was good enough for St. John Adams and the blacksmiths and whale-hunters of Massachusetts in 1790, we should be grateful to have preserved it. So all you liberals just shut up, and eat your traditional American food -- Hot Pockets™ and seasoned curly fries.