Thursday, August 02, 2012

we are all yogi

In defense of Mitt Romney, he's not the only politician who ever said something stupid or nonsensical. In fact, we all do it frequently. Politicians are disproportionally represented in the collection of witless remarks which follows because they're in the public eye much more than your average Yogi Bear.

And some of them, like the "English was good enough for Jesus Christ" guy, really are dolts. Also, Mitt.

But tomorrow, will things be like they're gonna be then?

"Things are more like they are now than they ever have been before." President Gerald Ford.

This I gotta see!

--"While you are away, movie stars are taking your women, Robert Redford is dating your girlfriend, Tom Selleck is kissing your lady, Bart Simpson is making love to your wife." Baghdad Betty, Iraqi radio announcer to Gulf War troops.

I've been wondering where they all were.

"China is a big country inhabited by many Chinese." Charles De Gaulle, French President.

It's an even greater day for Algeria.

"This is a great day for France!" President Richard Nixon, while attending De Gualle's funeral.

Not only that, you'll never be able to eat at Chick-fil-A again!

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." Brooke Shields, demonstrating why she would makea good spokeswoman for an anti-smoking group.

May the mouth find happy.

"Bite the wax tadpole." Coca-Cola, as the name originally translated into Chinese. It was changed to mean "may the mouth rejoice"

Does this mean if I drink one, my mother-in-law will come back?

"Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave." Ad slogan "Pepsi comes alive" as initially translated into Chinese.

It would affect the population as a hole, too.

"This kind of weapon can't help but have an effect on the population as a whole." President Ronald Reagan on nuclear weapons.

That's to go along with your petrified socks and yellow tennis shoes.

"Sure, I look like a white man. But my heart is as black as anyone's here." Alabama Governor George Wallace, during a presidential campaign speech to a largely black audience.

Shoulda took the brownies!

"I didn't inhale." President Bill Clinton answering rumors that he had smoked marijuana.

Stay tuned for 'The Blockade of the South,' brought to you by Ex-Lax.

"This portion of `Women on the Run' is brought to you by Phillips' Milk of Magnesia." Harry Von Zell, radio announcer in the 1950's. Von Zell also once pitched a live commercial for "Texagoo Gasoloon."

But be sure to save some abuse for Microsoft Vista™.

"Indignantly Condemn the Wang-Chan-Chiang-Yao Gang of Four." Hit song of 1976, according to People's Daily, Beijing, China.

Also every woman under 50 in the Czech Republic.

"I desire the Poles carnally." President Jimmy Carter's mis-translation in a 1977 speech in Poland.

Let's see what Fox News has to say about this.

"There are two kinds of truth. There are the real truths and there are the made up truths." Marion Barry, mayor of Washington D.C., on his arrest for drug use.

"...where I learned to love påté de fois gras."

"I love California. I grew up in Phoenix." Dan Quayle

Good thing he didn't plan on calling him a fig plucker.

"This country needs a spear chucker, and I think we've got him up on this podium." Eugene Dorff, mayor of Kenosha, Wisconsin, introducing presidential candidate Jesse Jackson. Dorff said later that he intended to say "straight shooter" but slipped.

And he grilled a pretty mean burger, too.

"If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it's good enough for me." An un-named congressman to Dr. Davis Edwards, head of the Joint National Committee on Language, about the necessity for a commercial nation to be multi-lingual.

Too tragic to laugh about.

"I was for the Iraq War before I was against it." Massachusetts Democratic senator and presidential candidate John Kerry.

Nearly all these items are from the book, "The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said," by Ross and Kathryn Petras. Commentary preceding each quote ©2012 by Dave B, aka Catboxer.

No comments: