dead bird

In response to the Republicans' takeover of the U.S. House of Representatives, thousands of red-wing blackbirds and starlings died in flight and fell from the sky in Arkansas, Kentucky, and Louisiana, starting during the New Year's weekend and continuing till today.

They were joined by about 100,000 dead fish who washed up on the shores of the Arkansas River.

These poor, innocent creatures died from shock upon hearing the news that Fred Upton, R-Michigan, has been selected to chair the House Committee on Energy and Commerce, which also oversees environmental matters.

Upton kicked off his tenure in the new position by groveling obsequiously before his energy-industry masters and delivering a speech in which he attacked the Environmental Protection Agency's plans to begin regulating greenhouse gases.

"(T)his administration's 'none of the above' energy policy will do nothing but cost jobs, make energy more expensive, and increase our dependence on foreign sources of energy," the servile tool of the oil companies and big electricity producers whined with a whine, adding that "Today's announcement marks a crescendo in the EPA's long regulatory assault against America's energy producers."

Hearing this anti-environmental tirade from a highly-placed governmental official tasked with overseeing environmental matters proved too much for the fragile hearts of the poor little red-winged blackbirds, who expired immediately by the thousands and fell dead onto the cold ground below.