Governor Sam Brown
I haven't seen any detailed reports, but I assume the state of Kansas has been under siege from hordes of Muslim immigrants who, as we have seen before, attempt to impose their furrin and barbaric standards on whatever societies they penetrate. They constantly agitate to replace the steeples and crosses on all churches with domes, turning them into mosques (or maybe synagogues -- it's so hard to tell the difference).
They also insist that local native residents pray five times a day. Most Kansans already do that, but the Mohammedan interlopers demand they call God "Allah" instead of "Jesus," and face eastward toward Mecca while praying. Then they shout their battle cry, "Allah akbar -- today Kansas, tomorrow, Oklahoma."
They also would like the poem "The Night Before Christmas" replaced by their own children's narrative, "The Night Before Ramadan."
'Twas the night before Ramadan, and all through the mosque,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mollusk.
Thanks to Jesus, we have vigilant state governments whose members work hard to prevent the intolerant fanatics of a paternalistic and aggressive form of monotheism from dominating our society.