When I saw an obviously Russian contemporary flick in the Red Box it caught my eye, & it looked 2 me 2 B a remake of old Eisenstein's "Aleksandr Nevsky." And it kind of is, in a god-forsaken sort of way. I know Lenin & all those old hemorrhoids are on the outs over there, but I thought there'd be a little bit of reverence for the legacy of old Sergei E. Oh well.
I sure my opinion of this work will be obvious in the synopsis of the action, or lack of it, below.
We pick up about half way thru, when suddenly...
Look! It's that steaming, obsequious bivalve, sir douglas macGillivray. ButtBig-Al comes in and interrups his neferryous skeme.
"They put me up to it, Al," says the perplexed macgillervra. They threaten to shoot my humble person in both shoulders then the 4 head.
Then macgilllivray goes to see the 2 oily monks. these munks r up 2 no good, as u shal soon c.
Ho-ho thatsuit; some buddy got nifed. Than, a berry small arroz poynt is gibbon to Alex Zander, which he examines w/ grate innerest...([cue music] prepare 4 montage) The story there in starts with the dead bare, and the poinson was somehow extracted from the arrowpoint witch kilt the beest and then deliberately gibbon 2 olive tham, xcept the idjit saved em by comitting sewer side.
So he figure this all out with he pal, Pocky Bushbeerd, in the house with the red wax paper in the windows.
Now we R bak in the bankewett hall and some moran is trowing his long sleeveses about in some sort of idjit dance. But then he cornfess he sins just b 4 they killet him.
We are suddenly transported to the cort of tuvan shoat shiners where Big-Al is suddenly telescoped into the brohter'z hood. & there he offers to throw down with Ponytail Bob 2 his face, and also 2 that of the starry veck who'z PB's side kiick.
You can tell you're watchin a badass product wen the location starts to takeover from the acters. It's happening now, as the venue switches 2 Neuschwanstein castle over in Bavarrhoea and a series of 2-big empty rooms.
And now we bak in roosia, land were houses are made of linkum logs, and BigAl wid all the homies, but some r pretty pissed. but finally BigAlz-Badr has had enuff of their creeching, and kicks em out except for his inner src! & even there he encounters some resistenacne from Pocky Bushbeerd.
Tis some sort of church, although it looks molike the subbasement of JC Penny's. Al is in deep eep deep really really deep deeep praiyers, and so are all he old homies of which Al is by far the youngest and only 1 you could vaguley call hansome.
Okeay now we out in the woods goin somewhere, (I hope - this movie has gone nowhere 4 the last hour), and Al is meeeting with Joe the hermit, [who really looks like hes on something.]
Location change again (lord hep us) it look like morrow bay in calif and Viking long boats and bunch of hatchet men standing about approached stelthily by archers. uh ohs look out youse guys!!
OK all sneeky archers R in place, last few comin up and Big-Al gonna give the word HIT IT!!!
Fire-tippet arroz setteth all they kingz boats on fire. Now the tutonic inwaders can't leave and all of em shot by arroz, large Big-Al sits there watchinalla wid a rilly rilly reallhy maddog hardass expression on face hole time. & then...& then, his novo goroddy infantry come up and finish the job.
THE END (thank god or bog).