avon calling

What follows is an early 20th-century "hokum" tune, translated into Japanese at the Google translation site, then re-translated into English. I find it makes just enough sense to be funny. Original lyrics are here.

Now, I know everything, you know I do not know who all
Since I just arrived here today,
My hometown is a small town.
Way down Dixie way

Now, everyone is down from miles around
Call me all in my name,
I called it what is happening in the here and now
Your in big cities
I want you all think the same thing certainly

Because I am daddy from Dumas DING DONG
And you oughtta see me do my stuff
I am a clean cut guy, why
From the corner of Horner
Oh, you oughtta see me strut

I'm cuttin 'paper Cutie
Gal is called, had Katie
She is a little heavy women
I call the baby and her

I am a daddy from Dumas DING DONG
And you oughtta see me do my stuff
Yes, from Dumas, DING DONG daddy
And you oughtta see me do my stuff

I am a ping-pong papa from Pitchfork Prairie
Oughtta, please refer to the post to me.

My dad is a ping-pong
Have a whiz bang mama
She is the baby of the Bear Creek
Kitty and whompous

I am a daddy from Dumas DING DONG
And you oughtta see me do my stuff

DING DONG daddy from Dumas slightly
Oh, you oughtta see me do my stuff

I am of cornpone popper
Of apple knocker and
Can you please refer to the post to me. oughtta
I am a man lovin 'momma
Mary and I left a
She is a big blonde baby
From peanut Prairie

I am now, daddy from Dumas is DING DONG
And you oughtta see me do my stuff

Poor daddy from Dumas slightly rinky
You are who I am 'appears in doin my stuff

I am a peach Paipapa
From the sinus of the Jackson
Oh, you oughtta see me strut

I'm materialized "Papa honey
To obtain a ruthless baby
She is a Shiba Shakin 'sheep
And Hallelujah!

I am a daddy from Dumas DING DONG
You oughtta see me strut!

deja vu une fois de plus

OK, Media Matters was the first to come out with this, but I liked the Rude Pundit's write-up of it better.

Are you worried that Iran might be only a year or two away from having their very own atomic bomb? Worry not, my little plotzniks, for the truth is, that's how it's always been.

Iran has literally been on the verge of getting a nuclear weapon for almost 30 years. The Rude Pundit reports:

Iran will have nukes by 1986, says AP article, April 25, 1984: "Iran is likely to have its own nuclear bomb within two years, according to press reports cited by Jane's Defense Weekly. The magazine, part of the authoritative Jane's Publications on weapons systems, said Tuesday that reports from the Persian Gulf region last week indicated the bomb was being produced at a nuclear power plant in Boushahar, southern Iran."

Or maybe 2000, says AFP, December 4, 1991: "Iran will be able to build a nuclear bomb by the year 2000 if it keeps up its present military activities, German intelligence chief Konrad Porzner said."

Or sometime between 1995 and 2000, says the Washington Post, October 18, 1992: "Gen. Uri Saguy, the head of Israel's military intelligence, estimates that Iran will have a nuclear capability by the end of the decade; British and French intelligence officials predict that Iran might join the nuclear club even earlier. Mohammed Mohaddessin, an adviser to the National Council of Resistance of Iran, said during a recent visit to Washington that he believes Iran will have nuclear devices within three to five years."

Or perhaps in 1999, according to AP, February 12, 1993: "Iran now poses the greatest threat to Israel's security, a leading Israeli newspaper said today, quoting experts who predicted Tehran would have an atomic bomb within six years."

No, more likely 2000, according to the Guardian, January 6, 1995: "Iran is much closer to producing nuclear weapons than previously thought, and could be less than five years from having an atomic bomb, several senior American and Israeli officials say. 'The date by which Iran will have nuclear weapons is no longer 10 years from now,' a senior official said recently, referring to previous estimates. 'If the Iranians maintain this intensive effort to get everything they need, they could have all their components in two years. Then it will be just a matter of technology and research. If Iran is not interrupted in this program by some foreign power, it will have the device in more or less five years.'"

Or, holy crap, they already have them, says AFP, April 9, 1998: "Iran obtained several nuclear warheads from a former Soviet republic in the early 1990s, according to Iranian documents obtained by Israel and revealed in The Jerusalem Post newspaper Thursday."

You get the idea. Hmmm. There's a common thread here that the Rude Pundit can't quite figure out, a nation involved in this fearmongering that has controlled a great deal of U.S. foreign policy in the region for decades. It's on the tip of his tongue. Gosh, he really wishes he could connect the dots. Of course, if one does ever connect 'em, one will automatically be accused of being anti...well, something or other.

Since this list is extremely well documented and accessible, you'd think people would know these things. Or want to. Maybe we'd better call the Keystone media.

coming attractions

Oh, why don't we call this cute and phony talk about "sex without consequences" what it is? It's the sour grapes of old Republican farts who would like to re-impose sexual slavery, and keep those female fleshapoids barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen.

It's old-time paternalism, and it sucks.

I've got only one thing to say to such backward, Neanderthalish, retrograde, 19th-century, primitives: curses, which I cannot repeat here.

Politics gets real scary, up close, and personal when it's about either food or sex. Politics is about control, and the arena where the battles of sexual politics are fought is the female body. Who controls whether she conceives? Who decides whether she will have an orgasm, or determines whether that's important? These are obviously both functions the woman, not the man should control. If she did, our population problems would soon be over, and people would spend a lot more time coming than going.

I think this is the best Tom Tomorrow toon since "We Tried to Warn You," right before Dubya launched "shockenawe" in 2003. It grabs hold of the essence of sexual politics, and exposes the people spouting those slick little euphemisms for the vicious control freaks they are.

Click on the comic to make it big enough to read easily.

a bridge not far enough

Voters in the nation of Slovakia have voted overwhelmingly to name a new cycling and pedestrian bridge across the Morava River into Austria Chuck Norris.

The article accompanying the strange headline explains "The actor's work has become a popular source of kitschy fun among Slovaks and a mainstay for local jokes about macho strength and invincibility."

The tie-in with US News and politics is, of course. Chuck Norris. Reported in a UK paper.

He also could be the answer to a lot of our problems, and I can't for the life of me figure out why the Republicans don't nominate him to be president. I'll bet the Iranians and North Koreans would be quaking in their boots if Chuck Norris was in the ovular office.

spring II

So Hillary Clinton is mad at the Russian and Chinese governments because they vetoed her UN resolution against the Syrian regime. For their trouble, she called em "despicable," among other things.

"They are setting themselves not only against the Syrian people but also the entire Arab awakening," Clinton said of China and Russia, which have resisted Western and Arab calls to push Syrian President Bashar al-Assad from power.

China's defense of its policy was also vehement.

"This is totally unacceptable for us," Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesman Hong Lei told a daily briefing.

"China has always determined its stance on the Syrian issue proceeding from the peace and stability of Syria and the Middle East, and from protecting the long-term, fundamental interests of the Syrian and Arab peoples."

It's hardly surprising that a couple of late-industrial-age governments like Russia's and China's would side with a Wal-Mart autocrat like Bashar Assad, and against the people who are fighting for democracy. The Chinese authorities, especially, are the very picture of paternalistic authoritarianism, their command economy and obsession with order having resulted in a basically Stalinist set-up.

As for Hillary Clinton, her resolution, even though it was squelched, would have appeared a lot more serious if it had specified some kind of consequences for Assad continuing to shoot unarmed protesters and bomb civilians. Probably the last thing we need right now is another middle-eastern intervention, but what's to prevent us from arming the Syrians? For free?

Non-violent, civil-disobedient protest usually works, but sometimes it doesn't. And when you're already in a gunfight, you need a gun.

Like the rest of the world-wide movement rumbling in waves across the face of the earth right now, the Syrian revolution is about ending dictatorship and beginning democracy. At the moment Syria is the front line of unfinished business from 1848.

marie colvin

One of the problems with being a political animal, as most of us who frequent this site are, is that we spend significant amounts of time analyzing the behavior of low-lifes and freaks, whether it's the garden-variety hypocrisy of people like Obama and Chris Dodd, the embezzlements and burglaries of thieves like Jon Corzine, the exotic insanity of Republican psychotics such as Gingrich and Rick Sanatorium, or the impenetrable stupidity of bimbos like ex-gov. Palin.

With our minds occupied by the foul deeds of criminals and lunatics, it's easy to forget that there are still truly great people in the world -- people whose courage and dedication to ideals makes them heroes and giants. These people are not usually as well known as famous politicians. We should change that.

Marie Colvin, a war reporter killed in Syria a few days ago, was such a person. She was an American, but lived and worked in England since 1985 when she wasn't reporting from the world's war zones, which was most of the time. In 2010 she gave a speech in which she explained why she did such dangerous work. If you don't believe there are any virtuous people left, give it a read.

One of the things that really disturbs me about her story was that she was doing what I should have done with my own life. She lost an eye in the Sri Lankan civil war 11 years ago. If it had been me, that would have been a career-ender, but she continued with her work.

There are probably heroes and giants close at hand in our own communities that we don't know about, sacrificing for the sake of work that is important enough to warrant sacrifice. Thank God for such people.

carrot tops

As I was giving birth to a pot of chicken soup today, I pointed out to Catboxette that I would be using the chlorophyl-rich green top of the carrot.

"Most cooks throw this part away," says I, "but it's one of the most nutritious parts of the carrot -- lots of vitamin A."

"Carrot tops are poisonous," she replies, which began a conversation that ended with a computer search.

"I must have 'em mixed up with rhubarb leaves," she said.

So that round went to me, which is the least I deserved since she beat me at Scrabble™ by 20 points.

In a few minutes we'll be eating food fit for kings but generally consumed by peasants: hot homemade chicken-and-vegetable soup with warm, coarse, home-baked bread. No frozen pizza in this domicile!

Life is good.

all things old r nu again

Right. So evil Pillsbury doughboy Newt Gingrich, of whom Bill Maher said recently that he is a "Batman villain," is having a major fake outrage over Obama apologizing to Hamid the Karzai, the pooh-bah (whatever) of Afghanistan because some of our ambassadors in uniform over there used Korans instead of charcoal for one of their quaint barbecues.

But a sociopath never apologizes. Which is why it's good to remind Newt, yes Newt, that old galoot who don't give a hoot, and looks like he slept in that lumpy black suit, that when he's preznit he or the soldiers in his armies of occupation can burn as many Korans, Dhammapadas, Tao Te Jings, Bhagavad Gitas, etc as they want, and he never has to say he's sorry, but until then, DUDE, YOU HAVE NO KORAN.



Originally posted this video in September, 2010 -- found recycle-worthy.

last dump in mesa

The 20th and, I'm told, last of the Republican presidential debates was in Mesa, Arizona last night. So there won't be any more until after the nominating conventions this summer.

Just before it started I checked in at Talking Points Memo for a preview. Their feature pic showed Romney and Cardinal Santorum standing over on the right. Gingrich and Ron Paul were to their left, and standing a few feet into the background, like small potatoes -- graphic evidence that this is now a two-man race.

I don't watch these anachronisms, but I heard Romney was on Santorum like a diaper last night, full of shit and all over his ass.

Also, TPM is reporting that Gingrich and the cardinal are accusing Romney and Ron Paul of colluding, and tag-teaming them.

Talking Points Memo consistently has the most accurate and detailed news of all things Republican.

omnes rerum santorum

Ed Kilgore has a nice little piece of analysis on his blog at Washington Monthly concerning the exotically archaic worldview of this week's Republican front-runner, and how he sees American history as a contest between the True Christians and the followers of Lucifer, and how the ranks of disciples of the Evil One now include most academics and mainline Protestants.

Seriously. For reals. Neither Kilgore nor I are making this up.

And it means, among other things, that said Devil is exercising his infernal control via the policies of that noted former academic and mainline Protestant, the President of the United States. Much of what Santorum has to say about current events is heavily colored by this “worldview,” most notably the belief that the president and his devilish supporters are laboring to wipe out “true” Christianity by forcing its staunch defenders, from the U.S. Conference of Bishops to innocent job-creators, to become complicit in such idolatrous practices as the slaughter of zygotes and the worship of the false idols of reproductive rights and the Environmental Earth-Goddess.

This goes way beyond just wishing that women would stop acting like lust-crazed sluts who are always attempting to thwart God's will by using artificial means to prevent His sperm from coupling with His eggs, which are inconveniently housed within the corrupted bodies of those round-heeled floozies. Rerum Santorum issues from an anti-secular, anti-American, good-versus-evil dichotomy as dangerous as it is outdated, and it's past time for our corporate media to sit up and take notice. Their doing so would be in their own interests as well as the people's.

serfin usa updated

In a recent New York Times opinion piece, Thomas B. Edsall, a Columbia University journalism professor, asks the following questions:

Are large segments of the American workforce — millions of people — at a structural disadvantage in the face of global competition, technological advance and ever more sophisticated forms of automation? Is this situation permanent?

Will the share of profits from improving corporate productivity flowing to capital and to high-earning C.E.O.s continue to grow, while the income of wage earners stagnates and their share of profits declines?

Has the surging wealth and income of the top one percent and of the top 0.1 percent reached a tipping point at which the political leverage of the very affluent decisively outweighs the influence of the electorate at large?

Is it possible that in the United States and Europe, democratic free market capitalism is no longer capable of providing broadly shared benefits to a solid majority of workers?

In the exposition that follows, Edsall answers "Yes" to all these questions, with odious implications. It's getting harder all the time to "get ahead" by working, because if you're working for the guy who lives in the castle, he is paying you as little as possible for the labor he takes from you, and selling it for his own profit. There was a time when there were political remedies for the worst abuses of this form of predation, but now that the guy in the castle owns the political system as well as the ranch, those remedies are no longer available.

There are several things you can do to counteract the tendency of all but the lord of the manor to sink into serfdom, all of them difficult.

1. If you can get enough money together you can buy your own little patch of ground, provided you're in adequate physical condition to work it and adaptable enough to learn how.

2. You can rely for support on local, independent sources of food, shelter, and medical care. Fuel remains a problem, but you can heat your shelter cheaply with propane, and if you've decided to stick with the internal combustion engine, I'd recommend converting your vehicle(s) to natural gas.

3. Vote, but not for any Republicans or Democrats.

Painting: a miniature by the Limbourg brothers, from Les Très Riches Heures du Duc de Berry.

2 far gone

This is something new: dependable righty-tighty pundits attacking a fellow Republican, in this case Pope Santo I, for being too conservative. Ed Kilgore of Washington Monthly reports:

Rick Perry drew fire not for flirting with secession and nullification theories, or for complaining about “lucky ducky” poor folks who didn’t pay taxes—but for expressing sympathy for the children of undocumented workers. Similarly, Newt Gingrich never got attacked for his anti-Muslim demagoguery or his regular descriptions of the president as a “secular-socialist”—but for once professing belief in the climate change “hoax” and criticizing Ronald Reagan.

(Snip)

That’s why it’s very interesting today that two of Mitt’s highest-profile enablers, Matt Drudge and Jennifer Rubin, seem to have broken the seal on a whole new line of attack—on Santorum’s faith-based zaniness.

This is a very newsy article, and worth a read.

It's becoming obvious how this is going to play out. Like the Democrats in 1968, Republican delegates to the convention in Tampa this summer are going to find themselves overridden by the party bosses, and saddled with Romney, a candidate they didn't choose and don't want. That, combined by the confrontation provided by the 99% movement protesters surrounding the convention site should have the delegates shitting little bricks and feeling very unloved. Some might even realize that this is what Jim Kunstler has called the Republicans' "Whig moment."

And as I've said before, it couldn't happen to a more deserving buncha people.

Painting: "The Mussolini Panel" from the mural for the New Workers School, executed by Diego Rivera in 1933.

a token of my steam

From the web site Talking Points Memo:

Using NASA's famed Hubble Space Telescope, scientists have determined that an alien world located just 40 light years from Earth is unlike anything previously found before: A world composed primarily of steam. The planet, known officially under the unflattering moniker GJ 1214b, "is like no planet we know of," said Zachory Berta a researcher at the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics, in a release announcing the discovery of the planet's strange composition...

GJ 1214b is reportedly larger than our world but smaller than Uranus. There's a joke in there somewhere, but I'm too lazy today to fish it out.

The artwork, "Steam Rocket," is by Chris Spollen. Click on the image for a larger view.

what-will-they-think-of-next dept.

OK, I'm not usually impressed by the Latest Technological Marvel, but this is something I can no longer live without -- a combination shoe horn and bottle opener.

Think of the implications of this device. People will now be able to have a Coke™ while putting their shoes on. Consumers need never again endure the unpleasantness of dehydration while donning footwear. And they can use their time more efficiently by multi-tasking while sipping their favorite beverages.

I'll have to check to see whether Coke™ is still sold in bottles.

make every move easy, sherf

A county sheriff in Arizona who is currently seeking a Congressional seat has run into a snag. From a story at Huffpo:

Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu built a reputation as a rising, conservative star by taking a hardline stance against illegal immigration, attacking the Obama administration and appearing alongside Sen. John McCain in a 2010 re-election ad...

Babeau made his oats by jumping on the anti-immigrant bandwagon, but on Saturday the Sherf confirmed that he is indeed gay, and has been in a relationship with a Mexican immigrant. However, he is denying that he threatened to have the man deported if he ever revealed their relationship.

But that is apparently what the offended lover told all about in an interview with the Phoenix New Times, the underground weekly that broke the story and bolstered it with photos showing the sheriff and his Latin paramour in poses which indicated they were more than just friends.

Needless to say, this is not playing well in conservative Pinal County, Arizona. Personally, I don't care if the guy has a gay lover, or he can marry my sister, marry my horse, etc. But I wouldn't ever vote for some heel that has sex with people and then threatens to deport them if they tell anybody.

the fruits of our labours

The gross social and economic deformities resulting from the intense capital concentration necessary for an industrialized society have to be addressed somehow.

In most of the civilized world, wealth maldistribution is remedied by collecting large amounts of income and redistributing it via socialist mechanisms: pensions like Social Security, free universal health care, education, subsidized public transportation, etc.

The paradigm was more or less invented by Germany's first chancellor, Otto von Bismarck, who was not exactly a flaming liberal.

In this country, this extremely rational and equitable plan for a society has foundered on issues of race and class. The biggest complaints that tea partiers have about the taxes they pay arise from their belief that their money is going to people less deserving than themselves.

civilization and its discount tents

So here's Dr. Oz, talking among other things about the time an insurance company threatened him with a lawsuit for performing an "unauthorized" surgery on a patient, causing that person to live longer and hence require more treatment.

Surely Dr. Oz realizes that it's not the doctor's role to intervene in life or death situations. Such situations involve decision-making, and decisions are up to either God or the insurance company, whichever one gets there first. Then the doctor is supposed to do what the insurance company (or God) decides. Doctors have nothing to do with medical decisions. That's just the modern, progressive, industrial-age way things are.

It's just like, food and health have nothing to do with each other. Food is stuff like Hot Pockets™ and Coco Puffs™ -- you see it on TV and then go buy it and eat it and those hungry feelings go away. Feeding us is the function of the food industry. Health is the optimal condition you enjoy when your doctor prescribes the right pills, which you also see on TV, and maintaining the national health is the function of the health industry.

it's true that there are some subversives and malcontents who go around saying things like there's a relationship between food and health, or that doctors should make procedural decisions rather than the insurance industry. Such people don't understand progress. They fail to see how things are done in the industrial age.

miniskirt mussolinis

The Fox News Network is unique in more ways than just those having to do with its role as television's chief purveyor of right-wing propaganda. It's also one of the tube's more dependable sites for soft-core semi-porn, since an inordinate number of the Fox commentators are young, glossy bottle blondes sporting short skirts, plunging necklines, and come-hither looks.

Sex in advertising is nothing new, and in our time it's been used to sell everything from applesauce to zip-loc™ bags. But as far as I know the mushrooming number of miniskirt Mussolinis on Fox marks the first time it's been used to sell a fascist ideology. Is it my imagination, or are the skirts getting hiked up higher as the all-important push to unseat the Kenyan Marxist Barack Obama draws closer? If it looks like Mittens is making a solid bid for the Ovular Office, will Megyn Kelly's pants stay on? These are questions upon which the fate of a nation hangs in the balance.

However, that's not very likely, because rising employment figures and a generally improving economy have combined to raise Obama's approval ratings to where the Foxists have suddenly shifted to damage-control mode, with one of the network's primary miniskirt Mussolinis, Gretchen Carlson, suggesting that the improvement in the unemployment numbers tabulated by the Department of Labor are "fabricated."

unforgettable

She was Mad's cover girl in May of 1954. I first saw her in the magazine rack at the supermarket, and I've never forgotten her.

Artist: Basil Wolverton; collage and ink on paper.

Click on the image for a larger view.

invisible finger

There's an article at Think Progress this morning about how oil prices, now over $100 a barrel, keep rising even though demand keeps dropping, and is now lower than it's been in 15 years, since 1997. Industry analysts say the price rises are due to speculative money flooding the oil markets since the beginning of the year in anticipation of rising gas prices. Most of the cash is coming from hedge funds and Wall Street money managers, who seem intent on constructing a self-fulfilling prophecy.

In this way, the "invisible hand" of universal social benefit, which is activated by everyone acting in his or her own self-interest, and was theorized in 1776 by the prophet of capitalism, Adam Smith, this invisible hand can now be seen giving us the invisible finger.